My grandpa passed away this morning. Peace be with all of us. Peace and more peace and God’s love.

I loved my grandpa. Dearly. We all did. I loved his phone calls. I loved our playful jokes and the way he cared and could fix anything. He’s never been anything less than constant in my life.

This is, quite honestly, my worst nightmare…that he would pass away so soon after Carl’s death. He went into the hospital 5 days ago when he dislocated his shoulder after a fall. When my mom finally got ahold of me that day, I nearly had a panic attack. His situation wasn’t life or death, but I got scared. I got swallowed by that wave.

This morning, with my grandma and mom at his side, his heart gave out and he slipped from this world into the next. I am shedding a whole new ocean of tears. I also feel blanketed by a surprising amount of peace. Yes, I feel peace. I feel his peace. Wholly. I feel Carl near me. Wholly. I feel his hand on my shoulder, his reassuring presence, telling me that it’s all going to be ok.

It is Monday. I was going to try my best to ease back into life. To begin tending to the things that need tending. And now? Here I am. Tending to the most precious thing life contains. I am tending to love.

Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
We’re trying, we’re hoping, but we’re not sure how
Oh, and every day you gaze upon the sunset
With such love and intensity
Why, it’s ah, it’s almost as if you crack the code
You’d finally understand what this all means
Oh, but if you could, do you think you would
Trade it all, all the pain and suffering?
Oh, but then you would’ve missed the beauty of
The light upon this earth and the sweetness of the leaving
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
We’re trying, we’re hoping, but we’re not sure why
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
Walk me through this one, walk me through this one
Don’t leave me alone
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
We’re trying, we’re hoping, we’re hurting, we’re loving
We’re crying, we’re calling
‘Cause we’re not sure how this goes
~excerpted from Calling All Angels by The Wailin Jenny’s

I love you, Grandpa Nelson.

{originally published Dec 22, 2014}